Let's talk Dopamine

 I find dopamine to be a fascinating subject. In all honesty, I feel like my every moment is a constant search for that next hit. I love wine and am working on my relationship with alcohol, I still smoke cigarettes in the evenings (gross, I know.) Then add in the swiping and the dating and the almost desperate urge I get to make a connection with someone, it's like every evening while I'm alone is a giant maze and I'm trying to find the happy button at the end.

It's hardly our faults. Since the internet came around, or really smart phones with the world wide web at our fingertips, we've been conditioned. How often do we really just sit with our thoughts, anymore? We don't. When we are bored we scan facebook - oh look, someone liked our last post - dopamine hit! - or we look at twitter or pinterest or whatever your fascination may be. We text with our friends when we are bored, we watch tik tok and reels. It's all instant gratification. We don't really know how to be alone anymore. 

For me, that was where the swiping and the conversations came in. I like the attention and the validation. That guy thinks I'm pretty! That guy thinks I'm accomplished! Look at allll these people interested in me! Except, in reality, maybe one out of every 30 matches leads to an actual conversation or date. Any guesses how many tinder matches I had when I deleted my account last Sunday? TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY EIGHT. How in God's name could I be single still if 258 dudes think I'm attractive? Of course, I'm being sarcastic. Half of those guys are probably married or don't even live close by. But still, that's an inordinate number of matches!

I've listened to a few interviews with Anna Lembke, author of "Dopamine Nation. Finding balance in the age of indulgence". I have not read the book yet. That's what got me interested in the concept. We are all familiar with addiction when it comes to substances like alcohol or drugs. But we also know people who get addicted to gambling, for example. Once your mind starts associating that feel good high with any action, you start seeking it out. 

So, as part of this break from dating, I made a list of other feel good things I could do, especially alone in the evenings, to produce feel good chemicals in my brain. Here are a few - jigsaw puzzles, crossword puzzles, read a book, work on redesigning my company website, play a game online, organize a fundraiser for my animal rescue, This Blog, chalk paint my dressers, clean and paint my baseboards, meditate, rewatch Ted Lasso (the ultimate feel good show imo) take a long walk or a jog. 

I'm hoping this break will also help me change my habits and stop looking outward for constant entertainment and distraction. I want to sit with my feelings and find a little peace.